know that There Are No Clean Breaks but the right legal team can help you navigate through this difficult process
Below are some of the effects people don’t expect when going through a divorce.
1. Divorce is for all intents and purposes a business transaction and learning how to take the emotions out of the settlement process, and instead focus on the division of assets as a ‘business transaction’ will help you to make better decisions.
2. It takes time to separate assets, bank accounts, homes, retirements accounts, tax documents, car registrations, changing last names, reviewing documents, and to putting everything you have into your name.
3. Divorce is a major disruptor in one’s life and can bring a lot of emotional and financial stress during the process especially when dealing with financial breakups and child custody.
4. You will actually go through a grieving process because there are so many losses that are inherent in a divorce, you have to allow yourself time and space to grieve for all those losses.
5. Depending on how you manage stress, most people experience elevated stress and anxiety levels during the process because you no longer have a companion, the future you planned no longer exists and there is the overall feeling of uncertainty.
6. A lot of changes at once such as moving, getting a new job and surviving on less money than before tends to make people feel insecure.
7. Many people are surprised by how rarely they see their ex-partner as the proceedings unfold.
8. Even in bitter, difficult cases where there are plenty of bad feelings toward the end, those warm feelings you used to have for your ex don’t just disappear, particularly since they’re going through many of the same difficulties you are.
9. Guilt, self-doubt, and a general sense of harshness toward yourself are often byproducts of a divorce. But just as often, these unpleasant feelings give way to a much healthier understanding of oneself and forgiveness about what you feel you did wrong in the marriage.
10. Often the person who leaves or ends the relationship, may experience feelings of guilt, but an important part of divorce recovery is forgiving yourself.
11. Many of those who go through a divorce describe how mutual friends are often lost in the process. You may find that other friends you hadn’t seen much in recent years come back into your life.
12. Those who go through a divorce often have much greater clarity about what matters most in life—and usually “stuff” turns out to be less important than it seemed during their former life.
13. Know that it may take years before you can be friends again. Trying to shift to “friend mode” too quickly after a divorce can often backfire.
14. Most of the time, a post-breakup friendship is a setup for further heartbreak, especially for the person who was left and probably feels rejected. You have to give yourself time to heal before trying to be friends.
15. It takes time to process everything, and even though you may feel ready to date, you will have more success in future dating and relationships if you take the time to process the divorce first.
16. Divorce is often pursued with the intent of getting rid of major relationship problems, which tend to be tied to core patterns, so it can be quite surprising when, after the honeymoon phase of the next relationship, you circle back around to the same dynamic with the your new partner.
17. When you’ve been used to always having your children around, their absence will be felt powerfully after your divorce.
18. Moving between two houses means going out and getting a whole new set of everything your kids need—whether that’s sheets and a bed or toys and toothbrushes
19. You spend more individual time with your child than ever, and your bond can grow much stronger. You will probably see your ex boost their parenting efforts, too.
20. Shifting to a co-parenting approach can be a very trying experience, both emotionally and physically.
21. If you begin to co-parent correctly, which can take years, you’ll be surprised to learn that you can be grateful for your ex as a friend and happy for his/her achievements and relationships outside of your own
22. Newly divorced people are often astounded by the amount of free time they suddenly have.
23. Journal of Marriage and Family found that both middle-aged men and women are at a higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease after going through a divorce, compared with married people of the same age.
THE DIVORCE PROCESS
Contrary to what many people may believe “divorce” is not the name for the process by which individuals typically resolve all aspects of a dissolution of marriage which may include child custody, child support, spousal support, and property distribution. There are two types of divorce in North Carolina – Absolute Divorce and Divorce from Bed and Board.
You and your spouse must be separated for a period of one (1) year in order to obtain an absolute divorce in North Carolina. This means that you must not occupy the same physical residence and that you must show by action that you and your spouse are no longer living together as husband and wife. You must physically separate from your spouse. After a separation of one (1) year, you are entitled to an absolute divorce.
You often hear “absolute divorce” referred to as a “simple divorce.” It is important to remember that a claim for Absolute Divorce alone does not resolve other issues such as child custody, child support, equitable distribution, post separation support or alimony. Those claims are individually handled as further explained in this site. A claim for absolute divorce simply means that the bonds of matrimony will be dissolved and that the two individuals will no longer be legally married to each other.
The dissolution of a marriage as a whole can be an emotional and traumatic event, but generally the process of obtaining an Absolute Divorce is an anticlimactic event. A claim for absolute divorce is started by filing a Complaint for Absolute Divorce that is then sent to the opposing party along with a summons, advising that person that a suit has been filed against them. You will have sixty (60) days to serve the opposing party. If you are unable to serve your spouse within sixty (60) days will be required to issue another summons. Once your spouse has been served, he or she will then have thirty (30) days to answer your complaint and may get an additional thirty (30) day extension to answer your complaint. A court date may not be scheduled until after the Summons and Complaint have been properly served on the opposing person. If your spouse does not answer your complaint within the time allowed, we can file for a court date. Each county is different as to how they schedule their courts dates so depending upon the county in which you reside, it may take several weeks to get a court date. Typically, it will most likely take seven to eight weeks from the time the complaint is filed until you receive your judgment of divorce.
If you and your spouse are unable to voluntarily separate from each other, you may have to file an action known as a Divorce from Bed and Board. A divorce from bed and board is sometimes referred to as a “legal separation” because such an action requires court intervention. A Divorce from Bed and Board asks the court to allow the parties to separate from each other without being “penalized” for separating from each other as Divorce from Bed and Board is a fault-based action. In essence, a party seeking a Divorce from Bed and Board is asking the Court for permission to separate. Oftentimes a party seeking a Divorce from Bed and Board will ask the Court to order one of the parties to leave the residence. A Divorce from Bed and Board was not designed for that purpose; however, Courts have been known to order a party at “fault” to leave the marital home upon the entry of an Order for Divorce from Bed and Board by the presiding Judge.
A marriage in North Carolina may be annulled if said marriage is:
- Between any two persons nearer of kin than first cousins; or
- Between any two persons who are double first cousins; or
- Between a male person under sixteen (16) years of age and any female; or
- Between a female person under sixteen (16) years of age and any male; or
- Between persons either of whom has a husband or wife living at the time of such marriage; or
- Between persons either of whom is at the time physically impotent; or
- Between persons either of whom is at the time incapable of contracting from want of will or understanding; or
- A marriage contracted under a representation and belief that the female partner to the marriage is pregnant, followed by the separation of the parties within forty-five (45) days of the marriage which separation has been continuous for a period of one (1) year, shall be unless a child shall have been born to the parties within ten (10) lunar months of the date of separation
If an annulment is granted, the marriage is declared void from its inception or “void ab initio” and no rights of marriage will flow from an annulled marriage.
Does "fault" matter in North Carolina?
What is an absolute divorce in North Carolina?
When can I file for an absolute divorce? file for an absolute divorce?
What is Divorce from Bed and Board?
What is abandonment?
What if I do not want to get divorced and my spouse does?
What does being a resident in North Carolina mean for purposes of getting divorced?
What if we no longer live together?
What if we tried getting back together?
Is there common law marriage in North Carolina?
What if we lived separate for 1 year?
What if I moved here 4 months ago?
How long does the divorce process take?
How can I get my marriage annulled?
Can I get my maiden name back?
client testimonial
Choosing the right law firm can be a challenge that ultimately decides your case before entering a courtroom. Although the direction of your case is motivated by the law, prevailing requires a competent delivery with a creative spin. It was exciting to witness three distinct personalities dancing around the courtroom with confidence while defending my case as if their own.
~ M.S.