Rules For Co-Parenting

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Creating rules for two homes after a divorce

North Carolina parents who are going through a divorce will have to figure out a co-parenting agreement. One of the challenges families face is dealing with two different sets of house rules. While this may not seem like a big deal, having different standards in each home can be confusing for children.

After a divorce, children need order and constancy. A unified set of rules for both houses can help accomplish this. One parent might be more stern in some instances, but it is better to have the same rules in both houses anyway. Otherwise, it may be more difficult for children to adjust when they are allowed leeway in one household but not the other.

If parents are having trouble agreeing on bedtimes, chores, proper manners and more, a parenting class or mediation might be necessary. Parenting workshops teach parents to compromise, offer child rearing norms and provide examples to demonstrate the importance of a cohesive set of rules. A mediator also helps parents reach a compromise by facilitating communication and trying to help parents reach a solution that benefits all parties.

Parents may wish to make a list of rules they want to enforce and then divide the items according to how flexible one can be about each rule. There may be some rules one feels strongly about, such as no texting at the dinner table or no violent video games. To get the rules one wants the most, this person should give the other parent something they want in return. Both parents must recognize that neither one will have complete control in crafting the rules.

While it can be hard to deal with an ex, parents must set aside differences for the good of the children. This is typically necessary when making a child custody arrangement. Children usually benefit from a relationship with both parents, so joint custody might be the best option.

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PHONE: 704-333-9900

FAX:   704-358-0536

What To Do In A Child Custody Hearing

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Parents in North Carolina who are going through a divorce might want to consider whether they can compromise on joint custody instead of each of them fighting for full custody. However, if they cannot agree, then the decision might be made by a judge following a custody hearing. If this happens, the parent should prepare for the hearing by researching custody law.

The judge will make a child custody ruling after determining what is in the child’s best interests. A number of elements might influence this, and a parent should be willing to compromise with the other parent. They should also dress neatly and behave appropriately during the custody hearing. A parent can bring documentation that helps their case.

Once the court has made a decision, the other parent should make an effort to remain in their child’s life. It is believed that children benefit from time with both parents, and the parent may be granted a good amount of visitation time. Parents might also want to create a parenting agreement.

The parent who does not get custody may be required to pay child support to the custodial parent as well. This is usually determined based on income along with other factors, such as how much the parent pays for the child’s healthcare. Parents might want to talk about other expenses as well in order to include an agreement in the parenting plan about which parent will pay for tutoring or extracurricular activities. If a parent needs a modification in custody or support, they may wish to seek the assistance of an attorney as a judge will generally expect a good reason for making changes to either of these. For example, there might be a change in custody if one parent has a significant change in lifestyle that means they can no longer care for the child.

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plumides, romano & Johnson, pc

PHONE: 704-333-9900

FAX:   704-358-0536

Shared Parenting Means Shared Photos

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Family law

Shared parenting means shared photographs for these parents

A child of divorce herself, Victoria B. had very few photographs of her childhood at all, let alone pictures that included both of her parents. After her own divorce, she was determined not to let that happen to her son Bruce.

So, when she was scheduling a family photography session a couple of years ago, she decided to give her ex-husband a call. He agreed to participate, and he came along again last year. They believe it sends the message that, while they may not be together anymore, they are still “loving their son together.”

“We go above and beyond to include one another because we are not simply ex-husband and ex-wife ― we are parents to Bruce, first, foremost, and most importantly,” Victoria told The Huffington Post. “We hope that Bruce learns that you can still have someone in your life, even if they aren’t romantic any more, and especially if they are the parent of your child.”

It hasn’t been easy. Both Victoria and her ex-husband Adam have entered new relationships since the divorce — and they no longer live in the same state. Bruce is spending long periods with each parent — with the corresponding long periods alone for the other parent. However, the pair took time during their divorce to think about how best to co-parent their child.

Furthermore, they made extra effort even when times were at their most stressful — just before the divorce was finalized. They agreed on the importance of spending holidays and birthdays together, at least for a few hours. Living so far apart now, that isn’t possible anymore, which makes the shared family photograph even more important.

“Adam and I are not perfect co-parents, but we made a deal when we got divorced, to put our son first and to value the richness that we each bring to his life, for different reasons,” says Victoria. “So yes, we still have a family portrait taken, and I still pay good money to have the images printed, framed, and placed in our son’s bedroom; he may not grow up with parents who live in the same house… but he will grow up to see respect, kindness, empathy, compassion, perseverance, flexibility, and even sacrifice being modeled by both of his parents and he will know it is possible to fall out of love but never fall apart.”

One thing that helps them keep on track is to put their relationships with Bruce first, instead of focusing on the hurt feelings or misunderstandings that crop up in any co-parenting relationship. It’s just as important to teach Bruce how to move on with grace as it is to see the parental relationship valued.

An annual, joint family photo may be something you and your ex could do to support your children. Do you have it in you to spend at least some time together on important holidays and birthdays? For example, could you continue with the tradition of spending the night in one house on Christmas Eve and waking up together in the morning to see what Santa has brought?

That kind of cooperation may be challenging, especially once you and your ex are in new relationships. However, sitting down with your ex — as partners — on a regular basis promote communication and help you remember to honor your parental role.

Also, remember that Victoria and Adam kept their intentions clear from the time of the divorce process. The right attorney can help you clarify your own goals and intentions so that your divorce doesn’t become a battleground.

Life is short. Do you really want to be in permanent conflict with your ex? Consider Victoria and Adam’s idea and see if there’s a tradition you could both support. What ideas can you think of?

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plumides, romano & Johnson, pc

PHONE: 704-333-9900

FAX:   704-358-0536

Definitions Of Child Custody & Visitation

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A divorced Charlotte parent might have visitation or custody rights. If the parent has visitation rights, this means the parent has the right to spend time with the child, but the child does not live with the parent. The child lives with the parent who has physical custody rights.

Physical custody, dealing with the child’s primary residence, is only one type of custody. Legal custody is the type. A parent who does not have physical custody might still share legal custody with the other parent. Parents with legal custody have the right to make decisions about important elements of a child’s life including religion, education and health care.

If physical custody is shared, then both parents have a significant amount of time with the child. However, this could also be the case in some situations where a parent has visitation and the other has physical custody rights. There are many different types of arrangements that might suit parents and their children.

The most important thing parents should keep in mind is that they should make decisions that are in the best interests of the child. Parents can negotiate an agreement for a child custody and visitation schedule. This may be a difficult process, but their attorneys can assist them in these negotiations. Parents can also create a parenting agreement that addresses such issues as bed times and who is responsible for which extracurricular activities. In a high-conflict situation, parents might agree to communicate only by email or text and only on the subject of the child or even through their attorneys. If they are unable to reach an agreement, they can turn to mediation or go to court and have a judge make a decision.

contact information

plumides, romano & Johnson, pc

PHONE: 704-333-9900

FAX:   704-358-0536

‘Birdnesting’ Approach To Joint Custody

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‘Birdnesting’ could be an innovative approach to joint custody

Many divorced parents in North Carolina take time to consider how to best provide their children with a sense of stability. There are a number of custody options that people can consider, and joint or shared custody is perhaps more popular than ever. One alternative type of shared custody option is called “birdnesting.” It means that the kids remain in the family home while each parent moves out on a rotating basis.

In most cases, this is an option for people with some means as the parents generally must maintain a small apartment in addition to the family property. The parents share the apartment as well as the home, moving in and out on a weekly basis while the kids remain in the family house. “Birdnesting” is motivated by a desire not to disrupt the children’s lives by moving, changing schools or making other major changes.

However, “birdnesting” is usually a short-term, transitional solution that is best suited for parents seeking an amicable divorce. When divorcing spouses are regularly arguing, those arguments are likely to continue rather than end during the nesting process. For these families, a traditional joint child custody arrangement may be more suitable. Even for parents with strong communication and a positive relationship, nesting is typically done for a period of three to six months only. It can provide kids with a practical and emotional time to transition to a new family lifestyle. If kept going for too long, however, it could encourage false ideas that the parents may reconcile in the future.

When parents think about divorce, issues relating to the children are often the most emotionally fraught. A family law attorney could help a divorcing spouse negotiate an agreement about child custody and a parenting plan.

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plumides, romano & Johnson, pc

PHONE: 704-333-9900

FAX:   704-358-0536

How Courts Handle Parental Disputes

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How courts may handle parental disputes during divorce

Parents in Charlotte who are getting a divorce might think that, if they feel their child is unsafe with the other parent because of alcohol or drug abuse, it will be easy to get a court to act. However, the process is not always that straightforward.

One court ruled that even though a father drank nightly, this did not mean he imbibed when he had the children. Parents will usually need documentation to get a court to act. Ideally, this would be something like police reports, but in the absence of such evidence, parents might get testimony from a child care provider or neighbor. If a court does determine that a parent may be a danger to the child, psychological testing or a blood test might be required.

Parents can keep records that will help them in case of a custody battle. This should include records of any conflict with the other parent and actions such as taking the child to the doctor. One man was worried that his wife would drink and drive with their 7-year-old son in the car. 

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plumides, romano & Johnson, pc

PHONE: 704-333-9900

FAX:   704-358-0536

Child Custody Process in North Carolina

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Divorce is never easy. And the situation can become more difficult when the couple has children. Determining custody can be emotional for all parties involved. Each spouse could have differing opinions on who gets custody of the children. However, in North Carolina, the magic words relating to custody are “in the best interests of the minor child(ren).” Family Law Attorneys are dedicated to preserving the best interests and safety of all children involved in a divorce situation. Any reputable firm will not support the use of the child(ren) as a “weapon” to gain an advantage in divorce litigation.

In North Carolina, the first step for child custody issues is mediation. Any party claiming child custody rights may file a court action. However, rather than hearing arguments, North Carolina courts will first schedule the custody issue for mediation (unless there is a reason to waive it). Causes for a waiver may include:

  • Drug or alcohol abuse allegations;
  • Domestic violence; or
  • Undue hardship on either party.

Shortly after the filing and service of the lawsuit (generally within 6-8 weeks), an order will be issued by the court directing the parties to participate in parent education and mediation orientation. Each party will be given a certain amount of time in which they need to complete parent education and mediation orientation. The parties must attend a one-time mediation orientation session and at least one mediation session. The parties remain in mediation as long as they and the mediator feel that they are make progress in resolving the custody/visitation dispute. If the parties are able to agree on a solution at mediation, the mediator will draft the agreement for the parties to sign and the agreement will be entered as an Order of the Court. If the parties are unable to reach an agreement and if one of the parties or the mediator feels that mediation is no longer a solution, the case will be closed in mediation and a trial will be scheduled to settle the custody/visitation issues.

The Court employs the mediator and there is no charge for the custody mediation program. Your lawyer is not directly involved in the mediation program and cannot attend any meetings with the mediator, however, he or she will be advised of the progress of the mediation and will be prepared to assist you with advice and support during the mediation program. Custody Mediation is successful in a high percentage of the cases in Mecklenburg County and offers you an opportunity to control the outcome of your own custody dispute.

If the parties can reach an agreement through mandatory mediation, the court will usually adopt it as an order. If mediation doesn’t result in an agreement, courts will make the determination themselves. After hearing all the evidence, a judge must decide the custodial arrangements for the child(ren). In North Carolina, there is no presumption as to which parent is a better parent. Except in unusual circumstances, the non-custodial spouse will receive substantial visitation privileges with the child(ren). A typical visitation or standard visitation schedule for a non-custodial parent, when both parties continue to live in the same geographical area, is alternate weekends, one-half of the school holidays and a few weeks during the summer. There is no presumptive visitation schedule, and the court welcomes visitation settlements agreed to or negotiated by the parties.

Types of Custody:

Legal Custody – Legal Custody determines which parent will have the authority to make major decisions affecting the welfare of the minor child(ren). Major decisions typically involve issues related to health, education and religion. There are different types of legal custody. A court can grant parents joint legal custody, sole legal custody or a combination of the two, which will grant one parent “final decision-making authority.”

  1. Joint legal custody gives each parent equal right to participate in making major decisions on behalf of the minor child(ren).
  2. Sole legal custody gives one parent the sole authority to make major decisions on behalf of the minor child(ren).


A court may also grant one parent the right “to make final decisions” which means that each parent will have to discuss with the other all major decisions affecting the welfare of the minor child(ren) in an attempt to come up with a mutual decision but if the parties are unable to mutually agree, then the parent who has “final decision-making authority” will make the final decision.

Physical Custody – There are generally three types of physical custody – primary physical custody, secondary physical custody and joint physical custody.

  1. Primary physical custody simply means that the minor child(ren) physically resides with one parent
  2. Secondary physical custody or visitation means the child(ren) visits with the other parent, but retains primary residence with the other parent.
  3. Joint physical custody is a true sharing of time with the child(ren) whereby each party will have equal time with the child(ren).

Keep in mind that there is different terminology for the same thing so while we refer to physical custody as primary, secondary and joint, others may refer to the same

EXPERIENCED LEADERSHIP

MANAGING PARTNERS

Our firm has been a part of Charlotte and the surrounding area since 1964 and representing clients in Charlotte area for over 57 years.

The managing partners are well versed and experienced in the court procedures and trial strategies. They take time to fully understand their clients situation whether simple or complex and develop a personalized solution.

CLIENT

TESTIMONIALS

Mr. Plumides is a true advocate. I would highly recommend him, if you are in need. He represented me when I was falsely accused of domestic violence by my newlywed (now ex-)wife. I felt like everyone was against me, without hope, and kicked out of my own home. That is until I found Mr. Plumides, after reading many reviews. He had great reviews and now I know why. He was able to speak with me on my first call to his office. He gathered the facts, explained what to expect and immediately provided guidance as to how to proceed. After meeting in person, I was sure I had found the right attorney. He was extremely knowledgeable of NC law off the top of his head. If I called with an immediate question, he took my call immediately or returned it within a couple hours. I didn't feel like I was going it alone anymore. His staff was highly competent and professional. However, Greg would appear in court himself every step of the way and I knew the matter was being handled personally. As a result of his efforts, my charges were dismissed and subsequently expunged from my record. Did I mention that the flat fee I paid was extremely reasonable? Thank you Mr. Plumides, you are a true credit to your profession.
~ Matt
Mr. Plumides is a true advocate. I would highly recommend him, if you are in need. He represented me when I was falsely accused of domestic violence by my newlywed (now ex-)wife. I felt like everyone was against me, without hope, and kicked out of my own home. That is until I found Mr. Plumides, after reading many reviews. He had great reviews and now I know why. He was able to speak with me on my first call to his office. He gathered the facts, explained what to expect and immediately provided guidance as to how to proceed. After meeting in person, I was sure I had found the right attorney. He was extremely knowledgeable of NC law off the top of his head. If I called with an immediate question, he took my call immediately or returned it within a couple hours. I didn't feel like I was going it alone anymore. His staff was highly competent and professional. However, Greg would appear in court himself every step of the way and I knew the matter was being handled personally. As a result of his efforts, my charges were dismissed and subsequently expunged from my record. Did I mention that the flat fee I paid was extremely reasonable? Thank you Mr. Plumides, you are a true credit to your profession.
~ Matt
I've used Mr. Plumides for many cases over the years from custody to criminal and I want you to know he's a very special type of attorney. He's the type that literally has fallen in love with his work, the type to call you on a Sunday morning to discuss your case when you're worried and the type to protect you like your his own blood. I'll never use anyone else in the area and I strongly advise you at the very least to sit down with him if you're on the fence with representation and you'll see exactly what I'm referring to.
~ Michael Neighbors
Greg Plumides is an exceptional attorney! Greg has handled several of our families unfortunate situations over the years. Due to Greg and his teams overall knowledge, as well as, area of expertise each case has been met with success. A reduction in the ticket and even a full dismissal of the case. If you need help, Greg and his Team you can count on! Thank you once again Greg for the expectational service!
~ Kim Katopodis
Greg Plumides was a true advocate for me when I was falsely accused. If you need a knowledgeable, accessible, and hard working attorney on your side, look no further. Did I mention the very reasonable cost? Thank you, Mr. Plumides. (Full review to come on Avvo) Richard Johnson made my separation and divorce as painless as possible. Thank you, Mr. Johnson.
~ Matt Namin
Greg Plumides is a wonderful attorney. He was able to pull together an argument and he was able to get the case against me dismissed with only two days of prep time. I was served just before Easter weekend, so I was only just able to find an attorney that could help me, right before my court date the following Thursday. I began working with Greg on Tuesday evening, and by Thursday morning, he was ready to go. He is very easy to talk to, very knowledgeable and incredibly hard-working.
~ Garrett Reed
Mr. Plumides is an A+ lawyer for an affordable price. My child's mother not being happy with our current custody agreement in Ohio filed false charges of child abuse against me to have the jurisdiction and custody order changed. Child protective services got involved and i was charged criminally for child abuse and she tried to file two protective orders against me. My life was spiraling out of control and i didn't know what to do. I found Mr. Plumides and went for the consultation and knew right then based off of his ability to handle all of my cases (which eliminated me having to hire multiple lawyers), knowledge and experience he was the one i wanted to represent me. He was honest, reassuring, and fought very hard for my best interest. And it all paid off he had both protection orders dismissed. Negotiated on my behalf with child protective services and worked out a plan that i agreed with. And the criminal charge went to trial and was also dismissed. Mr. Plumides has helped me get control of my life back and I couldn't be more pleased with his services. I would most definitely recommend Mr. Plumides to anyone looking for a great lawyer at a reasonable price.
~ Michael Young
Greg Plumides represented me in my DWI case. I was completely blown away at how patient he was regarding the strategy we took. Greg always knew what to do and when to do it. When it came time for court, he was properly prepared and we won our case when everybody was telling me there was no way I was going to win. I would recommend Greg and Plumides Law Office to anyone.
~ Stew Andrew
Mr. Plumides is very knowledgeable about the legal process he helped my family when we were going through a very difficult time in our life. I would recommend him to anyone.
~ Yvonne Young
Mr. Plumides took my son's court case and he was in trouble and I needed a lawyer not a public defender. He did his job beyond what was expected. He answered calls, called me, went to see my son in jail, let me know he needed a nurse at one time. He got his sentence reduced a to fine that could have ended up being much jail time, more than that my son talks to me different on the phone and has more respect and is off the drugs he was on before he was arrested. Mr. Plumides would not give up and kept in touch with both of us and didn't keep us wondering what was going to happen next. Thank you Mr. Plumides, I would recommend you to anyone in Mecklenburg county. Wish you practiced in more counties.
~ Amanda Young
Mr Greg Plumides is one of the most or is the most informative DUI attorneys I've ever seen or been I had 2 DUI within 3yrs and both were dismissed, Thank you again sir.
~ Andre Chappelle
I wouldn't hesitate, and probably will have to, hire Mr. Plumides again. As a client, Greg spoke to me with positivity and certainty that was unbelievable, before the deposit was paid, I felt like I'd had won my case. Very straight to the point and had my back in the court room 100%. You get what you pay for , and yes Mr. Plumides does carry a hefty wage, but he left no stone unturned, and kept throwin punches on the fly.
~ Cam Coffing
I've used Mr. Plumides for many cases over the years from custody to criminal and I want you to know he's a very special type of attorney. He’s the type that literally has fallen in love with his work, the type to call you on a Sunday morning to discuss your case when you're worried and the type to protect you like you’re his own blood. I'll never use anyone else in the area and I strongly advise you at the very least to sit down with him if you're on the fence with representation and you'll see exactly what I'm referring too.
~ Michael Neighbors
Gregory Plumides was very professional, knowledgeable and efficient! Very experienced Attorney! He helped me to settle all my Divorce matters. I highly recommend his services.
~ Wilson
Greg Plumides represented me in my DWI case. I was completely blown away at how patient he was regarding the strategy we took. Greg always knew what to do and when to do it. When it came time for court, he was properly prepared and we won our case when everybody was telling me there was no way I was going to win. I would recommend Greg Plumides to anyone.
~ Stewart
Greg was very good to me through a traumatic year of waiting for court personnel, for doing nothing more than a fender bender in a grocery parking lot. Then being accused of a DUI two hours later by aggressive law enforcement in my own home. My only mistake was allowing my cell phone to interfere with a quick response, to a minor bump. Greg was a great lawyer and so well-versed in his field. He "tells it like it is". I would definitely put my trust in him again!
~ Lin
From the moment I met with Mr. Plumides, I knew I found a good attorney - one who was HONEST and truly cared about me and my situation. I was going through a divorce and I had used two other attorneys over the period of a year and half who were dishonest, and only interested in padding their own wallets. Mr. Plumides told me like it was, the TRUTH....He was always professional and his paralegal, Kristin, was excellent as well, and kept on top of everything. They both worked together as a team! His fees were reasonable and I didn't feel like he was "padding" every bill - just the exact opposite! He was extremely fair and truly has a heart of gold. At the end of a divorce or any other situation, most people dislike their attorney - I can honestly say that I think Mr. Plumides is a wonderful person and I was truly lucky to have met him!!!!!!!
~ Susan
Mr. Plumides took my case and made me see it different which has made me different. In court and out he is caring, professional, and treated me with the utmost respect. I was facing more than I thought I could handle and somehow, he reduced that by his knowledge and wisdom and not giving up by keeping in touch with me and visiting me. He is honest and caring and always ON TIME!!! Thank you again Mr. Plumides. I would recommend you to anyone searching for someone to take their case.
~ Clinton
After being involved in an auto accident, I contacted Greg Plumides. Choosing him to represent me turned out to be a great decision on my part! He and his paralegal, Kristin, kept me updated and informed as they searched out every avenue to be considered in the case. I ended up with much more of a settlement from the other party then I ever expected. Greg and Kristin were caring and honest, and truly looked out for my best interest. I would highly recommend Greg Plumides law offices to anyone.
~ Annie
Mr. Plumides took my case and made me see it different which has made me different. In court and out he is caring, professional, and treated me with the utmost respect. I was facing more than I thought I could handle and somehow, he reduced that by his knowledge and wisdom and not giving up by keeping in touch with me and visiting me. He is honest and caring and always ON TIME!!! Thank you again Mr. Plumides. I would recommend you to anyone searching for someone to take their case.
~ Clinton

Your Rights With An Abusive Spouse

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Being a spouse or partner in an abusive relationship is a very difficult situation for you and your children. Not knowing where to turn or what rights you have to protect yourself and your family can be painful as you try to do the best you can. The state of North Carolina provides protection for people in this situation through the courts – Domestic Violence Protective Orders, which are also called a “50B,” or Restraining Order.

A Restraining Order, is signed by a judge and orders your abuser to stop the abuse or face serious legal consequences. It offers legal protection from domestic violence to both female, male victims and minor children.

Benefits of a Restraining Order:

If you are in an abusive relationship, there are important benefits to getting a Restraining Order.

  • A Restraining Order can protect you and your loved ones in the following ways:
  • Orders the abuser to stay away from and to not assault, threaten or harass you and your minor children;
  • Living Arrangements:
    • Allows you to maintain possession of your residence or home and order the abuser to move out and not return, no matter who owns the home or is on the lease; or
    • Orders the abuser to provide suitable alternative housing for you and your children; and
    • Allows the police to remove the abuser from the home so you can return;
  • Custody:
    • Gives you temporary custody of your minor children,
    • Orders the abuser to pay temporary child support and
    • Establish temporary visitation (custody, child support, and visitation only apply if the abuser is the parent of the child);
  • Orders your abusive spouse to pay temporary spousal support;
  • Immediate arrest of abuser for any violation;
  • Recovery of attorney’s fees.

Being in an abusive relationship is not easy on you or your children. The law provides protection if you are in such a relationship. There are specific legal steps necessary to obtain and renew a Restraining Order (DVPO or “50B).” Our team of caring qualified attorneys are here to help if you find yourself in such a terrible situation. Call us today at 704-333-9900 or online here

contact information

plumides, romano & Johnson, pc

PHONE: 704-333-9900

FAX:   704-358-0536

Decided to Divorce – Next Steps?

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You have reached the decision to separate and get a divorce. Although you cannot actually file for a divorce until after you have been separated for over a year, couples might be more likely to separate in January than in other months.

If the day has finally come that you and your spouse need to call it quits, you might be wondering what to do next.

Should I move out of the house?
How do I handle my finances while we are separated?
How do I manage custody of the children, including being able to visit them if I leave?
These kinds of questions are common for people who decide to separate or divorce. Since ending your marriage is complicated, it is important that you address all the questions you have right from the start. By taking a few steps to prepare for your separation, you may not only find the answers to these questions, but you might realize there are other issues you never even dreamed of.

Today, we are going to focus on considering your children and how to make things less impactful for them and you.

Helping children through a divorce

As you go through a separation or divorce, you are likely worried about how your children are going to deal with the situation. It is important to remember that children will process your separation or divorce differently than you and they may have difficulty expressing their emotions. It is highly recommended that you engage or consult with a child therapist for your children and follow the therapist’s advice on how to best explain your decision to separate or divorce.

Regardless, there are several ways that you can help your kids cope with divorce.

Be prepared to have multiple conversations about the breakup with the children. After the first conversation, kids may need time to process their thoughts and feelings. If the children do not bring up any questions or concerns, you should check in occasionally to gauge their true feelings.

It is natural for kids to worry about contributing to the divorce, so you should alleviate their fears. This includes letting them know that the divorce or separation is not their fault, that both parents love them unconditionally and will still be involved in their lives.

It may not be easy, but you should make an effort to respect your spouse in front of the kids. Any negative comments or arguments in front of the children only add stress and anxiety to their lives in an already difficult time. If problems do arise, parents should discuss them when the kids are not around.

Flexibility is important while everyone is adjusting to a new family dynamic. You and your spouse should try to maintain a stable environment for the children but also be understanding if things occasionally go wrong. It will take time for everyone to adapt to a different schedule and way of doing things.

Based on the age of the children and your circumstances you may be able to work out child custody without having to go to court. Avoiding litigation can save them time and money. Regardless, you should still consult with an attorney to discuss the enforceability and legality of any arrangement you would like to make.

Visitation schedules that meet family needs

Your goal should be to best set up a child custody or visitation schedule that meets the needs of you, your spouse and the children. While child custody may be one of the most contentious issues, a clear visitation schedule can help to ease the road ahead for the entire family. In determining a visitation schedule concerning the children, there is no set “formula.” Rather, there are some particularly common arrangements for visitation, but in all cases, the children’s “best interests” are the most important.

Some Common Visitation Schedules

  • Alternating Weekends: One of the most common visitation schedules has the child spend every other weekend at the non-custodial parent’s home. This time could begin on Friday evening after school and end on Sunday evening. This kind of schedule can work best for parents with a typical Monday-through-Friday work schedule and can also accommodate former spouses who live some distance apart from one another.
  • Alternating Weeks: Under this scenario, the parents alternate having the children one week at a time. Such a schedule is usually suited more for younger children and when both parents have been heavily involved in child-rearing.
    9/5: This visitation schedule has the children with one parent for nine days and then with the other parent for five days. Like the
  • Alternating Weeks schedule, this schedule works better with younger children as they may not have as many outside activities or diverse friends at a younger age.

Creating rules for two homes after a divorce

One of the challenges families face is dealing with two different sets of house rules. While this may not seem like a big deal, having different standards in each home can be confusing for children.

After a divorce, children need order and constancy. A unified set of rules for both houses can help accomplish this. One parent might be sterner in some instances, but it is better to have the same rules in both houses anyway if at all possible. Otherwise, it may be more difficult for children to adjust when they are allowed leeway in one household but not the other.

If parents are having trouble agreeing on bedtimes, chores, proper manners and more, a parenting class or mediation might be helpful. Parenting workshops teach parents to compromise, offer child rearing norms and provide examples to demonstrate the importance of a cohesive set of rules. A mediator can also help parents reach a compromise by facilitating communication and trying to help parents reach a solution that benefits all parties.

While it can be hard to deal with an ex, parents must set aside differences for the good of the children. This is typically necessary when making a child custody arrangement. It is important to remember that children usually benefit from a relationship with both parents.

Tips for co-parenting with a difficult former spouse

Co-parenting is not always easy and might be a struggle with your former spouse. But the the most important thing a parent can do is remember to keep the focus on the child and keep their “best interest” at the forefront. Remembering that the child’s well-being is what matters may help in navigating the relationship with the other parent. Consider a few tips:

  • Limit any communications with the other parent to matters involving the child.
    Avoid getting drawn into old arguments about other topics.
  • Try to set firm boundaries for the ex-spouse around personal issues, if necessary.
  • Avoid saying negative things about the other parent in front of the child. This can cause the child to feel unable to share honest emotions.
    Encourage the relationship between the other parent and the child.
  • Consider taking note of what types of things upset the other parent so those things can be avoided or at least anticipated.

After the initial turmoil of separation and divorce, parents may find that the conflict recedes, which may result in happier, more well-adjusted children.

Tips for co-parenting with a difficult former spouse

There are a number of unique custody options that people can consider, including joint or shared custody. One alternative type of shared custody option is called “birdnesting.” It means that the kids remain in the family home while each parent moves out on a rotating basis.

However, “birdnesting” is usually a short-term, transitional solution that is best suited for parents seeking an amicable divorce. And Judges do not seem to favor such arrangements. When divorcing spouses are regularly arguing, those arguments are likely to continue rather than end during the nesting process. For these families, a traditional joint child custody arrangement may be more suitable. Even for parents with strong communication and a positive relationship, nesting is typically done for a short period of time. If it is done for too long, however, it could encourage false ideas that the parents may reconcile in the future.

Parents who are going through a divorce may initially find that navigating the framework of child custody and visitation can be confusing and emotional. Child custody can either be decided by parents or by a judge. While in a high-conflict divorce, a parent might feel that sitting down and negotiating with the other parent is too difficult, doing so allows parents to control the negotiation and gives them the opportunity to reach a decision they may be happier with than that of a judge. Parents may also choose to have their respective attorneys do the negotiating. While custody can be an emotional issue, parents should try to make decisions that are in the best interests of the child.

A family law attorney may provide advice and representation throughout the process to help a divorcing parent protect their relationship with their children and achieve a fair settlement on an array of divorce matters, including child custody, spousal support and property division.

Thinking of separating from your spouse and starting the divorce process, let us help you through this difficult time. Call us today at 704-333-9900.

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plumides, romano & Johnson, pc

PHONE: 704-333-9900

FAX:   704-358-0536

Custody And Visitation Rights For Fathers

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Custody and visitation rights for fathers

Unmarried or divorced fathers in Charlotte might struggle to get the custody arrangement they want with their children. Over 80 percent of custodial parents are mothers, and this suggests that courts still favor them in child custody cases. Fathers may also fall behind on child support or be blocked from seeing their children altogether if the mother files a protection order.

Some of these situations could have a severe effect on a father’s life. For example, one father who fell behind on child support was jailed, lost his job and had to declare bankruptcy. Experts say that fathers should try to pay something, which may prevent the most severe punishments, and consider going to court to ask for a modification. Courts may grant this if the father’s income has changed or there has been another significant change in circumstances.

A father who, according to court papers filed by the mother, had mood swings and tried to stop his wife from leaving in the car with their children had his access blocked by a protection order. 

Although he said he would never hurt the children, courts put this order in place when they believe children’s safety could be in danger.

Unmarried fathers may face different challenges. They might have to prove paternity before they can begin the process of getting custody or visitation rights.

If a child is already living with the mother, the court probably will not give the father custody unless the mother is unable to care for the child. However, unmarried or divorced parents may be able to work out an agreement for child custody and visitation that feels equitable. They may still want to make this agreement legally binding since this can offer protection if one parent does not pay child support or tries to block the other parent’s access to the child.

EXPERIENCED

LEADERSHIP

Over 55 years of experience winning 1000's of complex, divorce, domestic violence, alimony, child custody, interstate and international cases.

Managing partners Michael Romano and Richard Johnson are well versed and experienced in the court procedures and trial strategies. They take time to fully understand their clients situation whether simple or complex and develop a personalized solution.

CLIENT

TESTIMONIALS

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CHILD SUPPORT

RESOURCES

North Carolina Collision Against Domestic Violence https://nccadv.org/get-help

Carolinas Medical Center

Domestic Violence 704-446-3999 main

Mecklenburg County Women’s Commission

704-336-3210 (during business hours)

Greater Charlotte Hope Line  980.771.4673

Clyde & Ethel Dickson Domestic Violence Shelter, an 80-bed facility in Charlotte.

National Hotline 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224

PROTECT YOURSELF FROM

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Understand the laws and what to do to get out of a bad situation quickly.