Filing For A Divorce

When A Marriage Ends

IT IS FAR MORE COMPLEX THAN PEOPLE EXPECT

Below are some of the effects people don’t expect when going through a divorce.

1. Divorce is for all intents and purposes a business transaction and learning how to take the emotions out of the settlement process, and instead focus on the division of assets as a ‘business transaction’ will help you to make better decisions.
2. It takes time to separate assets, bank accounts, homes, retirements accounts, tax documents, car registrations, changing last names, reviewing documents, and to putting everything you have into your name.
3. Divorce is a major disruptor in one’s life and can bring a lot of emotional and financial stress during the process especially when dealing with financial breakups and child custody.
4. You will actually go through a grieving process because there are so many losses that are inherent in a divorce, you have to allow yourself time and space to grieve for all those losses.
5. Depending on how you manage stress, most people experience elevated stress and anxiety levels during the process because you no longer have a companion, the future you planned no longer exists and there is the overall feeling of uncertainty.
6. A lot of changes at once such as moving, getting a new job and surviving on less money than before tends to make people feel insecure.
7. Many people are surprised by how rarely they see their ex-partner as the proceedings unfold.
8. Even in bitter, difficult cases where there are plenty of bad feelings toward the end, those warm feelings you used to have for your ex don’t just disappear, particularly since they’re going through many of the same difficulties you are.
9. Guilt, self-doubt, and a general sense of harshness toward yourself are often byproducts of a divorce. But just as often, these unpleasant feelings give way to a much healthier understanding of oneself and forgiveness about what you feel you did wrong in the marriage.
10. Often the person who leaves or ends the relationship, may experience feelings of guilt, but an important part of divorce recovery is forgiving yourself.
11. Many of those who go through a divorce describe how mutual friends are often lost in the process. You may find that other friends you hadn’t seen much in recent years come back into your life.
12. Those who go through a divorce often have much greater clarity about what matters most in life—and usually “stuff” turns out to be less important than it seemed during their former life.
13. Know that it may take years before you can be friends again. Trying to shift to “friend mode” too quickly after a divorce can often backfire.
14. Most of the time, a post-breakup friendship is a setup for further heartbreak, especially for the person who was left and probably feels rejected. You have to give yourself time to heal before trying to be friends.
15. It takes time to process everything, and even though you may feel ready to date, you will have more success in future dating and relationships if you take the time to process the divorce first.
16. Divorce is often pursued with the intent of getting rid of major relationship problems, which tend to be tied to core patterns, so it can be quite surprising when, after the honeymoon phase of the next relationship, you circle back around to the same dynamic with your new partner.
17. When you’ve been used to always having your children around, their absence will be felt powerfully after your divorce.
18. Moving between two houses means going out and getting a whole new set of everything your kids need—whether that’s sheets and a bed or toys and toothbrushes
19. You spend more individual time with your child than ever, and your bond can grow much stronger. You will probably see your ex boost their parenting efforts, too.
20. Shifting to a co-parenting approach can be a very trying experience, both emotionally and physically.
21. If you begin to co-parent correctly, which can take years, you’ll be surprised to learn that you can be grateful for your ex as a friend and happy for his/her achievements and relationships outside of your own
22. Newly divorced people are often astounded by the amount of free time they suddenly have.
23. Journal of Marriage and Family found that both middle-aged men and women are at a higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease after going through a divorce, compared with married people of the same age.